March 18, 2004
Meeting Amma-ji
The night after my first filling from the dentist, I went to see "Amma", known as "the hugging guru" at an auditorium close to Vasant Kunj, where I'm staying. 5000 people queued up for their hug, including me. It was a pretty amazing experience. I'm not about to renounce everything and follow her though, not by a long shot, despite being one of those "chosen" to sit up on the stage with her after my hug.
I found Shona easily enough in the crowd after I arrived and chatted away with herself and this dutch bloke she'd been travelling with. She very kindly got a ticket with a comparitavely low number for me from a French guy who got tired of waiting. I joined the queue with the other men (women were on the other side) and jostled, sweated and inched my way up to the woman herself, surrounded by her aides.
All the while the bhajan devotional music blared through the speakers and the heat increased as I neared the concentration of people around the white-clad Amma. Once through the final checkpoint I was manhandled through the crowd by the aides toward her. I was asked what language I spoke, told to take off my glasses and then advised not to hug her back when she hugged me.
She's a big, dark skinned Indian woman with a voice like a blues singer, constantly smiling a very fresh, natural looking smile. You have to admire her stamina alone in that heat, to be genuinely hugging 5000 people in a row without a break.
Not knowing what to do with my arms, I finally found myself resting my cheek on her right arm as she had a chat with one of her aides about some managerial matter over my head. I was wondering when the hug would begin, when suddenly she turned her attention fully towards me. It felt like what I would describe as a "love bomb". I was charged with this great loving feeling as she hugged me and spoke in my ear --"you are my dear son, my dear son".
When I opened my eyes I was grinning from ear to ear, full of a loving feeling. She gave me some prashadum (holy food -- some nice sweets, actually) I was promptly invited to join those sitting on the stage around her, I don't know why or how they went about choosing people. There were mostly westerners on the stage around her and most of them appeared spaced out and kind of smug, like they had something that everyone else didn't. Add an eyeglint of feirce devotion and it's a look I've seen before in other organisations, I've never liked it. My impression of her devotees was that there was widespread sibling rivalry going on among them and I think that I've had enough of that for one lifetime, thanks very much. I heard one of them describe her presence as "like a drug". Here was one drug who's supply must be limited and meted out amid great competition.
In fairness to her though the loving afterglow was most welcome and I enjoyed basking it it along with Shona and her friend. We had a good laugh and took the piss at the chai stand afterwards, not feeling tired at all. Again the white-clad devotees were everywhere and looked on suspiciously, disapprovingly. Before I knew it, the time was 2am and I had to get back to Sanjay's house for the operation the following morning.
There's no doubt that Amma has an energy that can uplift. The feeling I had afterwards was that it was an attunement, similar to a Reiki attunement. That's what it felt like. I found a desires to love and serve this woman surface in me for a short time afterwards, as another part of myself looked on, one eyebrow raised. Wouldn't it be so easy just to surrender and give over your life's purpose to such a well defined, definite goal? I did feel connected to a group energy around her and this must be a draw for so many people.
Her organisation is huge and includes two temples and fifteen schools. Her books, tapes, photos and videos were all available there for the faithful and newly converted. I leafed through one of the books. It was exactly what you might have expected it to be. Full of very general positive pronouncements about the nature of suffering, the world and the self, nothing that you would disagree with per se, but nothing very original either.
If there is a spirtual journey through life, I would rather make my own way along it, for better or worse and not drift along on someone else's coat-tails, no matter how evolved they are. I wonder why someone would put themselves in a position where they need another's presence like you would need a drug. It must simplify things to an extraordinary degree.
It was 2am before Shona, Thomas and myself even thought to look at our watches. We said our goodbyes and I caught a rickety auto-rickshaw back to C-8 in Vasant Kunj, having to direct the lost driver all the way. The following mornign at 9am, I got my wisdom tooth extracted.